she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
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I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
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The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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