ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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