woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
