i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
