I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize