Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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