Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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