whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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