How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
