Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
