I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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