You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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