There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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