Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
