We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
