just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
