Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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