WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
