did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
