I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
