and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
