You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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