i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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