I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
