her vagina looked like bernie madoff
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
