My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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