I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She said her name was "party"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
