You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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