john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
