Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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