My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
