The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
