uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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