i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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