sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
