yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
