he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
