On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
