Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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