I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
