I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
