i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
