im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
