Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
