Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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