The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize