Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
