so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
