And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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