i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
