Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
