I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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