I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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