Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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