I am midnight drunk by noon
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
