why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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