You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
