I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just high enough for therapy.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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