I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
