just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
