I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My feet surprised me
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