but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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