dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
