I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
