Don't make out with my wife yet
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
